One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
"Players keep pointing at the bat and saying, 'Is that some kinda ball-wackin' stick?'" - David Letterman
TOP TEN
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# | Reason |
10. | French baseball chatter very disorienting. |
9. | U.S. players get sleepy standing through two national anthems. |
8. | Special enzyme in Canadian bacon that turns players into game-winning zombies. |
7. | American teams discouraged by Clinton's new RBI tax. |
6. | All our secret plays are being funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer. |
5. | Exchange rate makes Canadian runs worth more. |
4. | Stirring pre-game talks, which always end with "win one for Lorne Greene." |
3. | They don't bother to use actual Canadians. |
2. | Let's face it - we're a bunch of "Hosers." |
1. | Those damn mountie umpires. |
TOP TEN
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# | Reason |
10. | Team's idea of a double play - bourbon with a beer chaser. |
9. | Home games played in parking lot of local bowling alley. |
8. | Players refuse to slide for fear of ruining their manicure. |
7. | Manager in excellent shape from walking out to the mound after every pitch. |
6. | Players keep pointing at the bat and saying, "Is that some kinda ball-wackin' stick?" |
5. | Team uniforms made from duct tape and bedspreads. |
4. | When team takes the field, more than a few are carrying folding chairs. |
3. | On pop fouls, catcher takes off his mask, jersey, socks, and pants. |
2. | Your best hitter's nickname: "The Sultan of Suck." |
1. | Instead of tobacco, players chew asbestos. |
TOP TEN
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# | Reason |
10. | Distracted by Hideki Irabu banging on locked door of dugout. |
9. | Too relaxed after pregame massage from Don Zimmer. |
8. | Wanted to spare New York drivers the gridlock of a victory parade. |
7. | Them curve balls sure is curvy. |
6. | Did a little too much "choking up" the night before the game. |
5. | Wanted to spend more time at home watching CBS's new fall schedule. |
4. | Tough to concentrate on baseball when you're heartsick about the Siegfried and Roy breakup. |
3. | Tired from trying to help Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres have a baby. |
2. | Hard to resist chance to piss off George Steinbrenner. |
1. | Only gave 109%. |
TOP TEN
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# | Reason |
10. | His chest protector has large silicone implants. |
9. | Cleans home plate with his tongue. |
8. | The first batter has worked the count up to 46 balls, 29 strikes. |
7. | Makes own face mask out of bubble wrap and duct tape. |
6. | Was seen checking into Motel 6 with the Philly Phanatic. |
5. | Three small and very telling words: wears a cape. |
4. | Keeps running up to fat guys in the stands and yelling, "Babe Ruth! You're alive!" |
3. | Insists that "Baseball Fever" is the cause of that weird rash on his back. |
2. | Whenever he sees a player adjusting himself, shouts, "Ball two!" |
1. | Long after the game has ended, he's still squatting. |
TOP TEN
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# | Reason |
10. | Hidooby Irooby |
9. | Hiccupping Caribou |
8. | Pataki, I Love You |
7. | Snoop Hideki Deck |
6. | Hideki Irabooted-Down-To-The-Minors |
5. | Iraboutros-Boutros Hideki |
4. | You Rub Me, I'll Deck You |
3. | Mike Tyson Ear Chew |
2. | You Don't Know Deki |
1. | 12 Million Dollar Booboo |
During a typical baseball season, David Letterman almost cracks a baseball joke every single day of the week.
Every single David Letterman Top Ten baseball related list can be found at Baseball Almanac — a truly comprehensive / unique collection that we hope you enjoy.
Did you know that David Letterman is a fan of the New York Yankees? Share your own top ten lists with fans from EVERY team on Baseball Fever.