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David Letterman Top Ten Baseball Lists VIII
One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
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"You know how you have to give 100%? When you play the Marlins, you gotta give 40 or 50%." - David Letterman
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| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Sticky seat night. |
| 9. |
Get a free piece of that crappy gum that comes with baseball cards. |
| 8. |
Win Tommy Lasorda's pre-Slimfast pants. |
| 7. |
Ticket stub night. |
| 6. |
Get hit in the face by a 90-mph fast ball. |
| 5. |
Completely obstructed seating day. |
| 4. |
Babe Ruth's last surviving hooker gives you the opportunity to catch the Clap. |
| 3. |
Keep the beachball going or die. |
| 2. |
Steinbrenner fires your ass. |
| 1. |
"Nothin' but bunts." |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
We're crushing the competition - and the fans. |
| 9. |
If the flying debris doesn't kill you, the subway will. |
| 8. |
It's still safer than being a soccer fan. |
| 7. |
Our stadium's not as cold as the cheese on our nachos. |
| 6. |
'Cause it's one! Two! Three tons of falling concrete! |
| 5. |
The team itself won't start collapsing until September! |
| 4. |
Come to the house that shoddy contractors built! |
| 3. |
Yankee Stadium - where every day is helmet day. |
| 2. |
Yankees, Yankees, Yankees. They win all the games. Yankees, Yankees,
Yankees. Yankees, Yankees, Yankees! |
| 1. |
Heads up! |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
"Oh my God, we're missing the Bradley-Gore debate!" |
| 9. |
"Uh guys, it's only the third inning." |
| 8. |
"Hi, I'm Hillary Clinton, and I want to be your senator." |
| 7. |
"This reminds me of last night at your sister's house." |
| 6. |
"I can't move my hands - will somebody scratch me?" |
| 5. |
"Oh, so that's what Luis Sojo's cleat tastes like." |
| 4. |
"I'd like to talk to all of you about the benefits of Scientology." |
| 3. |
"The season's over, so I'll finally have time to treat this mysterious, oozing skin condition." |
| 2. |
"Mmm, you smell like fresh lilacs." |
| 1. |
"This is man-tastic!" |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Take off the Yankee hat, Hillary. |
| 9. |
You haven't lived until you've scratched yourself in front of 20 million viewers. |
| 8. |
You know how you have to give 100%? When you play the Marlins, you gotta give 40 or 50%. |
| 7. |
Late Show
audiences are the best in the world. |
| 6. |
We didn't win because of our pitching or hitting, we won because of our fans! |
| 5. |
I really like saying things I don't mean to get cheap applause. |
| 4. |
Man oh man do I love betting on baseball. |
| 3. |
I don't play for the money, I play because I like having guys pat me on my ass. |
| 2. |
Chicks dig me. |
| 1. |
I was rooting for the Braves. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
"What am I doing at a baseball game? I'm a ballerina." |
| 9. |
"I like bunnies." |
| 8. |
"I think Hillary Clinton would make a fine New York senator." |
| 7. |
"I like bunnies; did I say that already?" |
| 6. |
"At least it got that damn 'Mambo #5' song out of my head..." |
| 5. |
"I see dead people!" |
| 4. |
"That Yogi Berra makes a lot of sense." |
| 3. |
Torre, you bum, put in Babe Ruth!" |
| 2. |
"Someone tell Mariah that Derek Jeter's all mine." |
| 1. |
"Go Mets!" |
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