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David Letterman Top Ten Baseball Lists IX
One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
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"When the catcher visits the mound, you gaze deep into his eyes and whisper, 'Hold me.'" - David Letterman
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| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
When the catcher visits the mound, you gaze deep into his eyes and whisper, "Hold me." |
| 9. |
You decide to leave after the 7th inning to beat the traffic. |
| 8. |
You think, "Hey, maybe Dan Quayle wouldn't be such a bad president..." |
| 7. |
Between innings, you sit in the dugout eating rosin bags. |
| 6. |
You start to wonder if maybe Dr. J is your real father. |
| 5. |
You're fantasizing about a whirlpool bath with Phil Rizzuto. |
| 4. |
Instead of shaking off the catcher, you flip off the catcher. |
| 3. |
You try to borrow El Duque's raft and defect to Cuba. |
| 2. |
After each strike, you rip off your jersey and run around in a black sports bra. |
| 1. |
You help the umpire by licking home plate clean. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
As my own tribute to the Boston Tea Party, I spat in the mustard. |
| 9. |
These hot dogs are the real green monsters, right? |
| 8. |
If you find a Band-Aid in there - it's mine. |
| 7. |
Try my Buckner Special - one that was between my legs. |
| 6. |
See you in Mass General, jackass. |
| 5. |
Hot dogs are a dollar - backrubs are fifty cents. |
| 4. |
The meat for these things came from an MIT science project. |
| 3. |
If you eat this thing, your nickname better be "Old Ironsides." |
| 2. |
This hot dog wins the World Series of maggots. |
| 1. |
Remember: 1 if by salmonella, 2 if by trichinosis. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
"Behind The Green Monster" |
| 9. |
"Sacrifice My Fly" |
| 8. |
"Pantsless Joe Jackson" |
| 7. |
The Don Zimmer/Pamela Anderson Home Video" |
| 6. |
"Debbie Does Dallas Green" |
| 5. |
"Who's In First?" |
| 4. |
"Abner Double-D" |
| 3. |
"How Chuck Got His Knob-Locked" |
| 2. |
"The Story Of The '69 Mets" |
| 1. |
"A Babe Named 'Ruth'" |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
We're gonna add a Mike Piazza-style mustache to the Statue of Liberty. |
| 9. |
City ordinance says in Subway Series, the mayor bats cleanup. |
| 8. |
Regardless of who wins, it's just great to sit in the stands and watch sweaty guys hug each other. |
| 7. |
Finally New Yorkers have something to help us get over the loss of "CATS". |
| 6. |
Just think what this is doing to John Rocker. |
| 5. |
It's more proof that New York City is the greatest city on Earth! |
| 4. |
It's easy to get cheap applause by saying crap like that. |
| 3. |
I won't have that uneasy feeling I get when Don Zimmer's out of town. |
| 2. |
It's so exciting, even people who just moved here and are now running for senate can enjoy it. |
| 1. |
More business for the city's illegal knock-off t-shirt factories. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
"Get a raft!" |
| 9. |
"My team may defect - but your team has defects!" |
| 8. |
"Our players could beat you even if losing didn't mean certain death." |
| 7. |
"Years of indoor plumbing have made you Americans soft and weak." |
| 6. |
"Castro will whip your astro." |
| 5. |
"The ump needs glasses...inform him that it's a three-year wait." |
| 4. |
"No batter, no batter, and no bat since Russia stopped sending aid." |
| 3. |
"I'm not paying you $6 a year to strike out." |
| 2. |
"You call that catching? I catch more in my beard while I'm eating." |
| 1. |
"You throw like a capitalist girl." |
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