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David Letterman Top Ten Baseball Lists X
One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
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"98% of New Yorkers walking around carrying bats - up from usual 94%." - David Letterman
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| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
98% of New Yorkers walking around carrying bats - up from usual 94%. |
| 9. |
Teams are doing so well Hillary Clinton split on whom to pretend to root for. |
| 8. |
Inscription on Statue of Liberty reads "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,
and we'll beat them in a best-of-seven series". |
| 7. |
Sirens on ambulances play "We Will Rock You". |
| 6. |
Mayor Giuliani using "baseball fever" as excuse to spray city with toxic chemicals. |
| 5. |
More school absence notes mentioning "torn rotator cuff". |
| 4. |
Crazy guys in subway adding infield chatter to usual rantings. |
| 3. |
New Trump Tower built in the shape of Mike Piazza's well-manicured mustache. |
| 2. |
Hookers offering baseball special: for $100 they'll be the Yanker and you can be the Yankee. |
| 1. |
Upsurge in newborns named "Knoblauch". |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
"Take Me Out To The Corporate-Sponsored Megaplex" |
| 9. |
"Scratch My Groin For The Cameras" |
| 8. |
"Trade Me Off To Toronto" |
| 7. |
"Buy Me Some Expensive Counterfeit Sports Memorabilia" |
| 6. |
"Why's My Girlfriend Kissing Jeter?" |
| 5. |
"Puffy Shoots, Shoots, Shoots At The Night Club" |
| 4. |
"My Ass Looks Slimmer In Pinstripes" |
| 3. |
"Let's Root, Root, Root For The Cubbies, If They Don't Win - Actually, That
Won't Be A Big Surprise" |
| 2. |
"Sex Is Fun At The Ballpark, Buck Naked In The Stands" |
| 1. |
"For It's One, Two Strikes You're Out 'Cuz The Ump Is A Drunk" |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
When umpire yells "Ball 2!" batter runs to first base. |
| 9. |
Player gets injured putting on his hat. |
| 8. |
Normal infield chatter replaced with, "Please, lord, don't hit it to me!" |
| 7. |
There are 16 guys playing second base. |
| 6. |
They're only just getting the hang of patting each other on the ass. |
| 5. |
Three whole months go by before first drug suspension. |
| 4. |
Batter complains to umpire that pitches are just too darn fast. |
| 3. |
John Rocker can't think of a single insulting nickname for his cabdriver. |
| 2. |
They scratch their bats and cork their groins. |
| 1. |
Runner gets thrown out stealing mound. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Working the rosin bag. |
| 9. |
Comebacker. |
| 8. |
Charging the mound. |
| 7. |
Riding the pine. |
| 6. |
Jerking one into the seats. |
| 5. |
Coming from behind. |
| 4. |
Doubleheader. |
| 3. |
Going deep in the hole. |
| 2. |
The big unit. |
| 1. |
Visiting Busch Stadium. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Your lead-off hitter is 8 months pregnant. |
| 9. |
Every time pitcher throws ball, catcher screams, "Ow!" |
| 8. |
Outfielders distracted by big fluffy clouds that sometimes look like bunnies. |
| 7. |
Best hitter refuses to work weekends. |
| 6. |
Only time players demonstrate hustle is when they're being chased by undercover
vice cops. |
| 5. |
Spirited locker room debates about how many strikes to an out. |
| 4. |
Starters ask to be excused from fielding drills to watch "The View". |
| 3. |
Most promising rookie recently swallowed a rosin bag. |
| 2. |
Team name contains words "Devil" and "Rays". |
| 1. |
Nobody can keep his mind on the game with that sexy Derek Jeter running around. |
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