10.

Your first baseman demanded a trade to the Devil Rays.

9.

That ain't ivy growing on the outfield wall.

8.

They ask organist to play a lot of Pink Floyd.

7.

During meetings on the mound, pitcher and catcher exchange money.

6.

Keep asking if there are any roadtrips to Colombia.

5.

Half of them are wearing football helmets.

4.

Keep using bullpen phone to order Domino's.

3.

Stare in wonder at David Wells and mutter "Duuuuude".

2.

Rumor has it the ball boy is wearing a wire.

1.

You swear you saw two half-naked guys attack a first-base coach.

#

Reason

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10.

Only guy in Milwaukee who's never had a beer.

9.

Just told Martha Stewart to unload her Montreal Expos stock.

8.

Went to Las Vegas a couple days ago and put 10 grand on "tie".

7.

Eats rosin bags like they're peanuts.

6.

Won't stop sending flowers to Mike Piazza.

5.

Has actually sat through a Tampa Bay Devil Rays game.

4.

His nude seventh inning stretches were sort of funny the first couple of times.

3.

Refuses to recognize Ted Williams as top cryogenically-frozen ball player of all time.

2.

Wife keeps complaining about "contraction," if you know what I mean.

1.

Throws like a girl.

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10.

Players can spend more quality time with their performance-enhancing drugs.

9.

Plenty of stadium parking available.

8.

Will be spared the gruesome sight of Mo Vaughn adjusting his cup".

7.

Yankee Stadium becomes affordable place for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

6.

World Series of Poker would finally get the attention it deserves.

5.

Fun to think, with each passing day Alex Rodriguez is out another 85 grand.

4.

Have you seen the Devil Rays?

3.

Exhausted, overworked baseball players deserve a long rest.

2.

Fewer drunken New Yorkers riding the D-train.

1.

Gives Mike Piazza a chance to catch up on all the Broadway theater he's missed.

#

Reason

Top Ten Good Things About a Baseball Strike

10.

Unlike the first three games, we didn't leave early to beat the traffic.

9.

We put flu virus in Jeter's Gatorade.

8.

Let's just say Pete Rose made some phone calls for us.

7.

We asked Pokey Reese to be a little less Pokey.

6.

It's not like we haven't won a big game before — it's just been 86 years.

5.

Honestly, I think we were tired of hearing about the Patriots.

4.

The messages of encouragement Martha sent on prison napkins.

3.

We pretended the baseball was Letterman's head.

2.

What'd you expect — we have a guy who looks like Jesus!

1.

We got Babe Ruth's ghost a hooker and now everything's cool.

#

Reason

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