The umpire, the umpire, the guy who calls every play.
We ain't got no use for the umpire unless he calls 'em our way.

Hey Tommy - He calls one a strike that just misses my hat,
And that's how I know that he's blind as a bat.

Ralph - I pitch 'em right over he gives 'em a walk.
I scratch my right ear and he calls it a balk.

Phil - I slide into second I'm safe without doubt,
But up goes his thumb and the bum says "You're out."

Roy - I tell him his eyes are not all they should be,
And next thing you know it's the showers for me.

The umpire, the umpire, the guy who calls every play.
We ain't got no use for the umpire unless he calls 'em our way.

Tommy - He calls one against us then changes his mind,
And then our opponents use language unkind.

Ralph - No matter which way he decides there's a fight.
He's right when he's wrong and he's wrong when he's right.

Scooter - I keep running bases in dreams every night.
I run and I run in a terrible fright.

Campy - A nightmarish creature is following me.
A horrible monster who turns out to be :

The umpire, the umpire, the guy who calls every play.
We ain't got no use for the umpire unless he calls 'em our way.