"Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon."

"I have an Alka Seltzer bat. You know, plop plop fizz fizz. When the pitcher sees me walking up there they say, 'Oh what a relief it is.'" Source: The Sporting News (July 10, 1989)

"If everyone were like him (Mitch Williams) I wouldn't play. I'd find a safer way to make a living." Source: The Sporting News (July 17, 1989)

"It seems like Satan has thrown the DH into our game." Source: The Sporting News (October 3, 1988)

"I've never even hit batting practice before a crowd (1,519 on 4-18-88) that small at Busch." Source: USA Today (September 15, 1989)

"Last year we had so many people coming in and out they didn't bother to sew their names on the backs of the uniforms. They just put them there with Velcro." Source: The Sporting News (April 18, 1988)

"My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money."

"They wanted me to play third like Brooks (Robinson) so I did play like Brooks - Mel Brooks." Source: Sports Illustrated (March 13, 1989)

"With the Cardinals everybody would be reading the business section to see what their stocks were doing. You get to this locker room (Pirates) in the morning and everybody is looking at the sports page to see if Hulk Hogan won." Source: The Sporting News (October 10, 1988)

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